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What The Potato Salad Kickstarter Means For Videogames

Nothing.

TOO HOT FOR GOOGLE!!! Those Darn Nipples for Android

So! I decided to port THOSE DARN NIPPLES to Android since… well, it was already ported to Android thanks to the OUYA version. What I mean is, I decided to alter the controls so it would work well on a touchscreen. This took virtually no time, with most of the development spent trying to figure out how to get freakin’ ads working correctly.

I’m glad I didn’t spend much time on it, because it was quickly removed from Google Play! I suspected this would happen, but appealed the decision anyway because I disagreed that it was “intended to be sexually gratifying.” If you read the original post about the game, you would know that the game intends to be the exact opposite.

But it seems Google thinks that the mere sight of nipples are pornographic, and that if a woman bares her breasts, it’s only for the sexual gratification of men (and women so inclined), making the game a victim of the very thought process it was trying to fight. It wasn’t the first time, either.

Fuck ‘em though! You can just download the .apk file RIGHT HERE and manually install it. Requires Android 4.0 or higher. Ad free! Enjoy!

Remember Wii

As I plugged my Wii into the back of my parent’s television, I initially didn’t think twice about passing it onto them. After all, the console is considered well and truly dead, what with the Wii-U being backwards compatible, the WFC service having been shutdown, and other devices being able to satisfy big screen emulation needs.

But then my mind turned back to when its unconventional motion controls were first unveiled back in 2005 – almost ten years ago – and the excitement which followed. Finally, something radically innovative! Something that will provide us with experiences we’ve never had before! Something to save the industry from itself! Anything was possible! “We’re going to live forever,” we all cried!

Of course, things didn’t quite pan out that way (for a great variety of reasons) and the slender white box never quite met its full potential. Some even labelled it as a massive disappointment, but I wouldn’t go that far. I had some great times with the itty bitty machine, and it indeed provided me with gaming experiences I wouldn’t have had anywhere else.

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A few small projects.

Hello! I haven’t posted in a while, because I’ve been BUSY and I also forgot to pay my hosting bill. Here are a few of the smaller projects I’ve worked on since I last posted. To be honest, I’ve probably forgotten about a few things.

Here is a Twine game I made called ZERO BARS. It was a bit of an experiment for me. It’s the first Twine game I’ve made to have a strong focus on narrative and little on mechanics. It is also the first one I’ve made to tackle a serious issue. I think it turned out okay and people seem to appreciate what I tried to do with it.

It’s very short.

I also made a terrible, TERRIBLE game for Candy Jam. It is called CANDY VERB SAGA. There are five levels, each built around a different verb. Candy Blush Saga! Candy Flush Saga! And so on. It was fun to make and good for a laugh. Just don’t expect quality, because you will not find it here.

Finally, to give Nintendo’s WFC service a proper send off, I made a bunch of WarioWare D.I.Y. games with friends.

Take a jump to see Vines of my games in action!

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GUIDE: Porting your Flash game to OUYA in 13 steps

I’ve ported my Flash games to OUYA and so can you! Actually, why haven’t you? Well, I can think of quite a few reasons actually. But! It’s quite easy to do! And it’s cool to have a game on a console, micro or otherwise! And it gets you some nice exposure! There is even an IAP API if you’re into that sort of thing!

To make it easier, I have written this little guide. Follow it, and you’ll have a game on OUYA in no time!

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NEW GAME: Knowing Me, Knowing You

AH-HAA!

I had very little time for the 2014 Global Game Jam, but still wanted to make something. So! I made a card game! As in, rules and cards you have to print out and play with physically.

It’s called KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU and it’s a game about finding out what your friends think of you, and what your friends think you think of them. Basically, it’s a mix between Apples to Apples and Dixit. Sort of. Not really.

I didn’t have time to actually playtest it, but I think it meets the theme quite well (We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are). Designed for four or more players, ideally friends. Make sure to let me know how it went if you play it, and I’m open to suggestions if you feel it falls flat!

INTERVIEW: John Romero, MASTER OF DOOM

Despite what the quality of this blog may suggest, I write professionally for gaming publications. For example, you’ll find a rather long piece covering the history of the FPS in issue 245 of HYPER magazine, which should be hitting Australian newsagents soon.

I tried to avoid making it a traditional history piece, as that would be incredibly boring and unoriginal. Instead, I focus on how the nuances of design have changed over the years, and do things like compare Doom to The Legend of Zelda.

ANYWAY, I was supposed to interview a bunch of people for the piece, but too many took too long to get back to me, so I had to go ahead without them. I’ve decided to print John Romero’s responses here though, since they’re quite detailed and an interesting read.

Keep in mind that this isn’t a REAL interview. Rather, it was just a small set of questions aimed to provide me with material and professional opinions to bolster the topics and themes I was discussing, and the number of questions kept to a minimum to ensure a quick response (which didn’t pan out, but whatever). CHECK IT OUT BELOW.

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NEW GAME: A Ball Slapping Good Time!

A Ball Slapping Good Time is a fast-paced, two-player game about outmaneuvering and outwitting an opponent, as players bounce around and try to win with superior ball handling skills!

screen3

You can play it online HERE, or find it on the OUYA.

It was originally a more strategic game involving space hoppers, as it was prototyped at a 70s themed jam, but this turned out to be not terribly fun, and it evolved into the faster-paced game it is now. It’s often compared to Dive Kick for some reason. (I’ve never played Dive Kick.)

I chose the name mostly to annoy the kind of people I wrote about HERE. Otherwise I would have gone with something like BEACH BALL BATTLE.

I think it’s a pretty solid and fun game, though I don’t like how abstract is. Most of my other recent games have tried to convey one or more feelings, or at least had some vague point behind them. This game is just fun. Which I *guess* is okay.

RANT: Getting My Boobs Out For OUYA

Not too long ago, I ported two of my games to OUYA. The first, Groin Gravitators, is a two-player game satirising masculinity and homophobia. The second, a game originally made for The Boob Jam, has the deliberately eyebrow-raising title of Those Darn Nipples!

Porting them to the micro-console was a rather painless process, and both titles were met with a positive reception from the OUYA staff before being thrown up on the store; they were even featured in the Play like BAWB playlist. Then, rather unexpectedly, my second game stirred up a minor controversy among OUYA owners.

Oh, those darn nipples! Always getting me into trouble!

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NEW GAME: The Heart Go Wander

The Heart Go Wander is a little game I made using Increpare’s PuzzleScript (which I recommend checking out). It is a puzzle game about relationships and feelings and all that noise.

It ended up as both a celebration and critique of your standard monogamous relationship. The hearts are supposed to be gender neutral (the partner can be both pink and blue, and the player is purple which is a mix of red and blue (in case you didn’t already know)), though I suppose the player is the dominate one in the relationship.

Originally the text between levels featured a poem about eating cake and getting fat together, but it felt just a bit TOO silly and out of place. The first release included a series of minimalist messages, but I ended up removing them because I felt they weren’t necessary and made the game just a little too pretentious. Plus, this way the game is more open to different readings. I don’t want to reveal my intent as it may invalidate someone’s interpretation, and that would be TOTES LAME.

The music is DEVIL’S EYES by Qua:

Here’s a crude joke to counter the seriousness of this game:

Can a man get a woman pregnant without physical contact? It’d be a long shot!